


Not Leaving You

by cae_prince



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27943970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cae_prince/pseuds/cae_prince
Summary: Still reeling from losing Mike and Scottie in one day, at the end of 3x16, Harvey gets an unexpected phone call.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myRomAnticheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myRomAnticheart/gifts).



> What happens when one of your dear friends is laid up, recovering from a foot surgery? Why, you write her a fic, of course. My dear Nathalie, this one’s for you. Wishing you a speedy recovery, and I hope you enjoy the first half. The next half is coming. Post-haste.  
> Humongous thanks go to my partner-in-crime, Nannalyn for her help and for pulling me out of some sticky spots while writing this. You’re the best, Nanna. Love you.  
> This story is set just after 3x16 ends, after both Scottie and Mike have decided to leave.

Harvey’s heart feels heavy as he trudges back to his office after bidding Mike goodnight. As Mike begged off, stating that he needed to go back home, Harvey had told him he needed to go back to the office.

Mike had looked surprised, but Harvey had sent him off, telling him to go to Rachel to tell her the good news. 

He sighs.

Mike had someone to go home to. He had not. Not anymore. 

Scottie had left him. 

Despite the fact that he tried to be honest with her and let her see the real him. 

While he might have scored a temporary win against Woodall, he feels anything but a winner. Tonight has been a night of reckoning in a lot of ways. And while his and Jessica’s decision to be better lawyers is a good one, it came with a price. 

Not that he blames either of them for leaving. He’s had to wrestle with his own actions and the kind of man he’s become because of those actions, and he doesn’t like what he sees.

So, how could he expect anyone else to? 

_You’re a good man, Harvey._

He’s heard that from two people tonight - and yet one of those people won’t be at the firm a few days from now. And while he understands and appreciates Mike’s reasons for leaving, it still does nothing to change the fact that he left. 

And then there was Donna.

Who was the only reason he didn’t feel like a complete failure tonight. And she hadn’t left him. 

_Yet_ , his treacherous heart adds. 

He sinks heavily into his chair, turning it around to look out of the window.

Given his history, he figures it wouldn’t be long before she gave up on him, as well. It would only be a matter of time. 

Stephen - rotten as he turned out to be - was still an indication that her rule had been - 

His spiraling thoughts are however interrupted by his phone ringing. 

Glancing at his watch and then at the screen of his phone flashing an unknown number, Harvey feels his stomach twist in knots.

_This can’t be good._

He answers the call, choking his name out.

“Mr. Specter, I am calling from Mt. Sinai on behalf of a Ms. Donna Paulsen, since you’re listed on record as her emergency contact.”

Even as the woman continues talking, Harvey is already out of his chair and sprinting down the hallway, not caring that he sounds out of breath when he confirms her statement. He keeps his phone pressed hard to his ear, while he jabs the elevator button frantically with his other hand.

“Mr. Specter,” the voice says again. “I must ask you not to panic. Ms. Paulsen was in a minor accident and…”

But all Harvey hears through the buzz that’s filling his ears is…. _Ms. Paulsen… panic… accident…_

He cuts the woman off when the elevator finally arrives, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

Sat in the cab, his mind takes over from his legs and begins to race, presenting him with images that he can only describe as a waking nightmare. 

He should have gone with her or let her stay with him when she’d offered, instead of insisting she go home.

He’d offered to send for Ray, but she’d declined, not willing to pull the man away from his family at this time of night. But, he should have overridden her objection. 

He should have…

His self-recriminations are interrupted by the cab screeching to a stop, and Harvey springs out, throwing a wad of cash at the driver - he knows he probably overshot the fare, but he doesn't care in the least. 

He skids to a stop at the reception, and one of the nurses behind the station moves towards him. Her kind eyes take in his suit, a look of recognition passing her face.

“Mr. Specter? We just spoke…”

“Donna. Where is she? What happened?”

“Sir, if you’ll just calm down…”

“I can’t. Not until I’ve seen her.”

“She’s fine, Mr. Specter. She just slipped off the curb near her apartment and twisted her ankle.”

“I just need to know where she is,” his voice comes out in a harsh bite, and he takes a deep breath, knowing he’s being rude. “I’m sorry. I’m just -”

Deciding not to keep him any longer, the nurse quickly directs him to Donna’s room and he moves - slower this time, his feet feeling like lead blocks. 

As he nears her room, he takes a deep breath and knocks, before going to turn the doorknob.

“Come in!”

He’s surprised and relieved by the normalcy in her voice and he pokes his head around the door.

“Harvey!” she says, when she catches sight of him and her face turns remorseful. “I told them not to call you.”

He frowns; hurt pinching his throat at her words as he moves towards her bed, “Well, I’m glad they did. What happened, Donna? Are you… god, are you alright?”

She hears the strain in his voice and the way his face looks drawn and pale. Her heart drops in her chest and she regrets her previous words. 

_He'd been scared for her._

“Harvey. Hey, it’s alright. It’s just a bad sprain.”

His eyes trail her figure anxiously before landing on her right foot which is secured in a tightly wrapped elastic bandage, resting demurely on a pillow.

“It was no big deal,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “I was about to step into my apartment, when someone bumped really hard into me. Next thing I knew I was lying flat on the pavement, my head hurting like hell and my ankle feeling like it had been wrenched off my leg. I don’t recall much after that.”

“No big deal?” he repeats, incredulity in his voice. “Did the jerk even stop to help you up?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t think he did. From what I gathered from those who did stop to help me, he looked like he was in a hurry - probably running after tagging the walls or something.” 

Harvey runs his fingers through his hair, his eyes closing against the image of her lying on the pavement.

“Harvey,” Donna says, gently. “I’m fine. I promise. You don’t have to…”

“Donna, stop. I’m not leaving. So don’t even try.”

“Harvey, you’ve had a rough day,” she says, doggedly. “The last thing you need is to stay with your clumsy secretary, especially in a chair like that. You need to go home and recharge.”

He gave her a wry look, “Donna Paulsen is _never_ clumsy. God, if I ever find out who did this to you…”

She interrupts him, “It’s just a sprain. He didn’t take my purse or pull a gun on me. He was just an inconsiderate ass who…”

“Landed you in the hospital!”

“Harvey, come on,” she placates, reaching for his hand which was resting on the railing. “Let it go.”

He stays quiet.

“Please?” she reiterates, squeezing his hand.

He meets her eyes at that, and clasps his own fingers around hers and squeezes her hand. 

At that, Donna looks briefly down at their hands and then clears her throat, gently removing her hand from his hold. 

_They never touch for this long,_ she tells herself, but as she raises her head to look at him, she catches a brief flash of _something_ \- was it hurt? - before he leans back in his chair.

“Are they planning to keep you overnight?” he asks. 

“No,” she says. “The doctor said that I would be free to go home in another hour.”

“What about your head?”

“Just a bad bump. They don’t fear a concussion. Apparently, my big bag,” she indicates the ridiculously large tote that sits on the side table next to her. “cushioned my fall. So my head hit the pavement much less harder than it would have without it. Still ended up with a nasty egg on my head, though.”

She reaches her hand behind her head, and winces as her fingers graze the bump.

“Yeah, thank God for Hermès,” Harvey says, smiling for the first time, since he entered the room. Donna lets out a snort that makes his grin grow wider. 

He notices that it’s the same bag they bought on the day after they’d arrested Stephen. 

_What he wouldn’t give to go back to that time? When things had felt much lighter and he’d been so happy to see Donna regain her cheery self after a few hours spent with him._

Donna watches him quietly, wondering what was going through his head. She knows he’s hurting from Scottie’s rejection and she feels a shiver of anger shoot up her spine at the last conversation she’d had with that woman. 

_He’s changed too much._

Donna had to bite her tongue to keep from telling her what she really thought: that _she, Scottie,_ hadn’t changed at all and that Harvey had outgrown his old self, which also meant that he’d outgrown _her._

But she’d kept her mouth shut because she knew Harvey had wanted to try to make it work with Scottie, even though Donna knew that the lawyer would never be able to accept Harvey for who he really was.

So, instead she’d couched her concern for Harvey with some well-worded advice to Scottie.

_He’s a good man, Scottie. But he isn’t perfect. Sometimes you have to take what you get, or walk away._

And Scottie had chosen to walk away. 

However, Harvey’s thoughts are further away from where Donna thinks they are and he gives voice to one of them, breaking Donna out of her own thoughts.

“Mike’s leaving,” he says. 

Donna stares, “What? I thought he said…”

“He was. But, when I went to see him after you’d left, he’d changed his mind.”

“That kid…” Donna says, shaking her head. “He just doesn’t…”

“Donna, I gave him my blessing.”

“Why? Harvey…”

“He wanted to go, Donna. He didn’t want to stay here and continue to force us to cross lines. He’s building a life with Rachel, and I think he wants to be free of his guilt at what we did.”

Donna rolls her eyes inward at that, knowing that her friend’s less than stellar opinion of this man - this wonderful, kind man - had probably played a part in the kid's decision. She’d need to have a conversation with Rachel.

Rachel loved Mike, but she needed to realize that if it weren't for Harvey and his compassion, she wouldn't have met Mike in the first place. 

Harvey continues, oblivious to her thoughts, and lets out a chuckle, “Mike’s our client now. Because we work for Sidwell.”

“He’s going to milk this for all it’s worth,” Donna lets out a scoff.

“He is,” Harvey agrees, smirking. 

Any further conversation is stalled when the doctor enters the room with another shot of painkillers. 

Harvey introduces himself and then listens intently as the doctor details Donna’s treatment - cold compresses every other hour and the need to keep her foot elevated at all times. He smiles at Donna’s huff of disappointment when the doctor tells her she won’t be allowed to put any weight on it for at least two weeks.

“And that means no high-heels,” the doctor continues, undeterred as her patient lets out a noise of disgruntlement, although Harvey sees a slight smile twitching at the corner of her lips. “And you can’t walk on it - at least not without your crutches or some kind of support.”

She looks at Harvey who nods assertively, “I’ll see to it.” 

Donna opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by the doctor, again.

“Now, I’m going to give you one final shot of painkillers, before the edge of the current one wears out. That should tide you over for the rest of the night. From tomorrow, you can take the painkillers on your scrip - but only on a full stomach.”

“I don’t think I need another shot, doc,” Donna objects and wiggles her ankle. “See, no pain.”

“Yet,” the doctor says. “No pain, yet. Give it another few minutes. Now, this also means that if you want to go home tonight, you need to have someone take you home and get you settled for the night. I’m assuming Mr. Specter, you will be...”

At that, Donna’s heart rate picks up.

_He hasn’t been in her apartment since … the other time. Harvey spending yet another night in her apartment? Especially if her faculties are less than alert? She cannot afford to risk their relationship over something that she might not be able to remember the next day._

And so, she blurts out, “No! That won’t be necessary. I told you, I don’t need the additional painkillers and I can manage by myself just fine.”

She sits up and slides her feet off the bed. Placing her good leg on the floor first, she then gingerly places her other foot down.

Instant pain shoots up her leg from the base of her ankle making her stumble. 

_Well, there goes the last of the painkiller. Dang it._

Harvey steps forward, catching her around her shoulders.

“Donna!” he says, anger and concern coating his voice, as he pushes her gently back on to the bed. “I told you, I’m not leaving you tonight.”

“Harvey,” she says, gritting her teeth and not looking at him. “I told you, you don’t have to.”

She meets his eyes at that, and Harvey feels his heart sink, shame flooding him, as he reads the reluctance on her face.

_She doesn’t want him in her apartment. He’d lost that right after… he’d failed to fight for her when she’d needed it. She doesn’t want him around her outside the office now. It was only a matter of time, after all._

He lets out a deep sigh and says softly, “I get it. I’ll call Ray to pick you up -” He overrides the objection he knows is coming and adds, “I'm not sending you home in a cab! And then I’ll call Rachel to come and stay with you. Because you’re not going to be alone tonight and for the duration of your recovery.” 

Even in its gentleness, Donna hears the resignation in his voice and takes a good look at him. Her heart lurches at what she sees. He looks withdrawn and tired, his brown eyes have gone dull with suppressed pain. 

Harvey turns to look at her doctor, indicating that she should give her the medicine. He steps away, and Donna cranes her neck over the doctor's shoulder to keep him in her sight. 

She barely registers the prick of the needle, as she watches him. He's leaning against the door jamb, his gaze not meeting hers, as he talks to his driver. 

“I'm so sorry to pull you away, Ray, ” she hears him say. “But this is an extenuating circumstance, I'm afraid. ” 

_What was she doing? Was she really about to send him away to be alone at his apartment?_

Two people he'd cared about had just walked out of his life and he'd been despondent, believing that it had been because he wasn't a good man. Good enough for two people who claimed to know him, but still turned on him when it suited them. 

The number of times she'd heard Mike call Harvey's character into question or imply that he didn't understand or have feelings. And the way Rachel talked about him. And Louis. And even herself, when her anger had gotten the better of her, if she was being honest.

But, none of the others knew him. She did. 

Everything that had happened tonight had been despite his best efforts to do the right thing, not because he’d failed anyone. And, tonight he needed that reassurance more than ever. 

And here she was, pushing him away, when he was trying to show her he cared. Reinforcing his belief that people left or walked all over him when he did. Turning her reassurance of his goodness into an empty platitude. 

_All because she couldn't trust herself around him. But still, she trusts Harvey and tonight, she realizes suddenly that she wants to let him take care of her._

She wouldn't become one of those people who hurt him tonight. She steels herself, pulling herself out of her thoughts. 

Donna hears her doctor tell Harvey that she'll be back with the processed discharge papers. 

Harvey swallows and nods, watching the doctor's figure move down the corridor. He then turns his gaze back to his phone, his fingers scrolling through his contacts for Rachel's number. 

And even though he's hesitant to interrupt their celebration, given Mike's decision and revelation tonight, he knows Donna needs Rachel more. He also knows it could be easier to call her from Donna's phone, because Donna would definitely have her on speed dial. But, he doesn't feel up to the notion of asking her for her phone after… 

“Wait,” Donna calls, her voice urgent. “Don't call Rachel. You told me Mike had news for her. I don't want to bother her.”

“Oh,” he says, moving towards her bed and sitting down. “OK, then is there someone else you can call? You really need...”

“You,” she says. “I want you there.”

“But…”

“I know,” she said, quickly. “I'm sorry about before. But, we’ve both had shitty days. You don’t want me to be alone. Well, I don’t want you to be alone, either. I did offer to stay earlier, remember?”

He smirks, “Yeah, and I should have let you.”

She gives him a look, “This isn’t your fault, Harvey.”

Harvey shrugs and she reaches for his hand again. He looks surprised at that, but squeezes it when her palm slips against his.

“I’m serious,” she says. “You _have_ to stop taking the blame for things that are out of your control.”

He stays quiet, watching their joined hands. 

“I’ll try,” he says after a beat. 

“Good. So that’s settled, we can both go to my place and be miserable together.”

He lets out a laugh, “If you’re sure.”

“I am,” she says. 

She leans back against the pillow, her head beginning to feel heavy. But this time, she keeps her hand in Harvey’s, pulling their joined hands to rest against her stomach. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The next hour is a blur for Donna. She tries to remain alert, but sleep tugs at the edges of her consciousness. She lets Harvey take charge and before she knows it, she’s bundled into Ray’s Lexus. 

She sinks into the comfortable leather seats, her head falling against the glass window. She registers Harvey climbing in beside her and she slides her hand into the space between them, and sighs happily when she feels his warm hand close around hers. 

Harvey looks at her, a familiar feeling welling up inside him. One that he often tries to wrestle down before it can make itself tangible. Usually, his fear of losing what he has with her - her friendship and her faith in him - is enough to chase this feeling away. 

But tonight, Harvey lets it linger for just a little while longer, his heart feeling far too battered to fight it. If anything, tonight it feels like a balm to his soul. He imagines a world where he can give his heart freely to her without dragging her down into the abyss that is his life. 

The feeling is short-lived, however, and Ray’s voice pulls him back to the present as they pull up in front of Donna’s building. 

He turns to look at Donna who is now slumbering, finally having given in to her exhaustion. Her hair has fallen over her face, and she looks so peaceful that he is loath to wake her. The notion of carrying her into her apartment occurs to him, but he dismisses it, unwilling to trust his own reflexes after the few drinks he’d had with Mike. 

Plus, he doesn’t want Donna to regret her decision to let him take her home by having them both end up back in the hospital. 

And so, tugging lightly on the hand still clasped in his, he reaches his other hand over to gently shake her awake.

“Donna, we're here.” 

“What? Huh, there are still more strawberries in the fridge,” she mumbles, shuffling further into the seat and turning her head towards his shoulder. She doesn't wake up. 

_Strawberries? What was she dreaming of?_

Harvey chuffs out a quiet laugh and tries again. 

“Donna,” he moves his mouth closer to her ear and lifts the shoulder her head is resting on. 

The movement and sound causes a frown to appear between her eyebrows, and he lifts his other palm to rest on her cheek, patting it lightly. 

With that Donna finds herself slinking back to wakefulness and blinks hard, adjusting to the dimness in the car. 

“Hey,” Harvey's voice is low and soothing in her ear. “We're home. I mean, at your home.”

She nods, her brain still scrambling to catch up but as she registers those last words, she raises her head from his shoulder and her sight flits downwards to their hands still joined, resting in her lap. 

She lets her thumb slide slowly against his skin, “We're home.”

She meets his eyes briefly and gives him a small smile hoping he gets her meaning. He holds her ilthe gaze for a beat and returns her smile before sliding out of the car and rounding it to reach her side.

_Did he get her meaning?_

He gently helps her out, warning her to keep her injured foot off the ground and slides her arm around his shoulder. 

As he stands up straight, Donna blurts out, “Wow, I didn't realize how tall you are.”

He smirks down at her, “And I didn't realize how short you are.”

She smacks her free hand against his stomach for that, “Not _that_ short.”

He grins and takes her tote bag from Ray, slinging it over his shoulder and then looks round at Donna when a giggle escapes her. 

“What?” 

“You look pretty. It goes well with your suit.”

“Alright, sassy pants, let's get you inside before I lose any more of my dignity.”

Ray laughs at that and then bids them both goodnight. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“So let me get this straight,” Harvey’s voice travels through the closed door of Donna’s bedroom. “Louis wanted to sue Nigel for ownership of a cat that wasn’t his.” 

Donna giggles, “Yeah. And Nigel got hold of Harold Gunderson as a witness.”

“All the way from Bratton Gould? All for a _mock trial_? Are you kidding?”

“You don’t get it, Harvey,” Donna says, leaning against her closet for support, as she slips out of her dress. “You’re underestimating just how much Louis terrorized this guy. Oh _shoot!”_

Her sudden exclamation startles Harvey, “What? Donna? Do you need help?”

“No, no. I’m fine,” she said. “I promise. It’s just my dress.”

Harvey frowned, “What?”

“It’s ruined. There’s a giant tear in the back seam. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it back in the hospital.”

Sighing in relief, he lets a note of amusement enter his voice, “Donna, you’re loopy on painkillers. I doubt you’d have noticed if a freight train thundered through the room.” 

“Shut up, Harvey” her tart voice came floating back. “It’s just that I really like this dress.”

He grinned, “Well… it’s nothing that a trip to Saks Fifth can’t fix. Right?”

Donna feels herself turning pink, “You’d do that?”

“Of course. Just name the date and time. Unless, you’d rather...”

“Harvey, I’d love to” she interrupts him, wondering where all this uncertainty was coming from. 

Scottie really had done a number on him, she thought. And she hated it. 

“Good,” he said, and fell silent.

Harvey listens carefully, trying to make out what she was doing. He hears a little shuffling and then a light thump, followed by a low “ow”.

“Donna! What was that?”

“I accidentally put my weight on my right foot. I'm fine now.”

It takes everything in him to not just barge in and insist on keeping an eye on her. 

“You know, I'd feel so much better if you'd just let me in there.” 

Donna's voice returns in what he could only describe as a squeak, “That won't be necessary.” 

“Donna,” he said, rolling his eyes and smirking. “If this is about seeing you - ” Another thump, and his hand slips to the doorknob, “Alright, that's it, I'm coming in.”

He steps into the room and stops short in his tracks at the sight that greets him. 

Donna was seated on the bed, one of her arms had entirely missed the straps of her camisole top, like she’d tried to get it on in a hurry. The bottoms of her pajamas were on the floor, and Donna’s uninjured - and bare - leg was stretched towards it like she was trying to reach it from where she was sitting.

“Harvey!” her voice is _definitely_ a squeak, now. 

“Donna?” he asks, walking tentatively towards the bed. 

Donna lets out a huff when she hears the laughter in his voice, and she points a finger threateningly at him, “Don’t.”

He stops next to her, taking her in. It is then that he notices her bra strap sliding down one arm, exposing her freckled shoulder and the top of the swell of her breast. He swallows, and then shifts his gaze quickly to her face. 

His face breaking into a grin, he holds up his hands, “Do you want to tell me what happened here?”

“Not particularly,” she says, pushing herself to sit up straighter on the bed before noticing her top. Embarrassment floods her cheeks and she rights it. 

Harvey tilts his head and smirks, before bending down to pick up her pyjama pants, “Come on, Donna.”

“Well, when you asked what happened earlier, I didn't put my weight on my foot. I actually hit the side table with it,” Donna cringes, looking caught. “I dropped the clothes because I was startled by the pain.”

Harvey shakes his head, “Donna…”

“It was fine, Harvey,” she shrugs and reaches for the clothes still clutched in his hand. 

“It isn’t fine,” he says, tightening his grip on her pajamas. “Let me help, alright? You said it yourself.”

“Said what?” she asks, raising her head.

“Sometimes, we all need a little help,” he says with a small smile.

She smirks, “ _This_ wasn’t what I meant, Harvey.”

“No?” he asked, kneeling in front of her and gesturing towards her feet. “Can I?”

She nods, and leans on her arms, watching him quietly, as he picks up her good leg first. His fingers are warm on her skin, and Donna feels her pulse pick up. This, right here, was why she had been so hesitant - the way his presence affects her. 

It’s not a new feeling, but over time she’s gotten used to tamping it down, because it’s futile to let it linger. Harvey doesn’t want her that way. No matter how much he says it bothers him, his actions tell a different story. 

Sure, there’s the occasional flirting or lingering looks that pass between them, but at the slightest indication of it becoming a little _more_ , he backs down. And each time, she hates herself a little for the tiny sliver of hope that pricks at her heart. 

But today, she feels a little less equipped to push against it, and so she lets herself revel - if only for a moment - in the way he takes care of her. 

His touch is gentle but firm, and as he moves to her injured foot, he lets his index finger trace the edges of the bandage, seemingly testing if it’s properly secured.

“I was so scared,” he says, his head still bowed. 

She knows that, but it's the first time he's outright said it. 

Donna swallows hard, her eyes pricking, “I know. I’m sorry I was so flippant about it. Both here and back at the hospital. It’s just that I’m not used to people helping me.”

He shakes his head and looks up at her, “You never have to apologize.”

At that, he gently slips the pant leg over her injured foot and then tugs the material up to her knees. 

As he does, he tries to ignore the way her skin feels against his fingertips. It becomes even harder when his gaze briefly lands on the burgundy lace between her legs. 

_Shit. He hadn't anticipated this._

He closes his eyes, and feels his stomach clench. Seeing his reaction, Donna takes hold of the material in his hands, and then he uses his now free hands to pull her up into a standing position. 

The movement brings their chests together and Donna looks up at him, her expression startled. 

Both Harvey and Donna feel their hearts stop, as brown meets hazel and Harvey’s grip tightens on her waist. The moment feels loaded and intense, and Donna feels her chest fill with anticipation as Harvey’s head bends towards hers. 

Donna is about to close her eyes, when a tickling sensation going down her leg makes her twitch. They both look down to see that her grip had loosened around the pyjamas, which had then started sliding down her legs. 

“Oh!” 

The moment broken, Donna catches herself and pulls the pants back up around her. Harvey steps back, but keeps his hands near her until she’s secured the ties, before easing her back on to the bed. 

An uneasy silence fills the space between them, each of them processing what almost happened. Donna keeps her head bowed, while Harvey looks unseeingly around the room. 

He vaguely registers that her bedroom looks a lot different than the last time he saw it. Not that, he'd been in any shape to fully take in the décor with what Donna had been doing to him the last time he was here, but he knew that she'd had a different color scheme then. 

The thought of the other time brings him back to what they had been about to… 

_Were they about to?_

He knew he'd begun to lean in. There had been something in her eyes. 

_Or had he imagined it?_

He looks at her, hoping for some confirmation, but Donna doesn't sense his gaze like she usually does. And he finds himself afraid to put his question into words. 

_Words that he cannot take back if he's wrong._

He takes a deep breath and casts about for something to bring things back to normal. Or as normal as it can be. 

“Dinner!” he blurts out. 

Donna shakes herself out of her own thoughts at his outburst, her brows furrowed in confusion. 

“I ordered from that shitty Thai place. It should be here soon. We should go out there and wait,” Harvey indicates the living room. 

“Right,” she says quickly. “I'll be out in just a moment. You go ahead.”

Harvey looks for a moment like he's about to say something else before he simply nods, “Right.”

He sees her crutches propped against the dresser and moves them next to her on the bed. He gives her a small smile and then shuffles out of the room. 

Donna takes a deep breath, and falls wearily against the mattress. Her skin still feels tingly from what had almost happened. 

She had closed her eyes in anticipation, when she'd seen him beginning to lean in. Something in his eyes had captivated her until reality had pulled her back in the form of her errant pajamas. 

Along with that was the realization that he had _just_ broken up with Scottie. He was vulnerable and… in need of a distraction? 

_Right?_

And if that was the case, she'd done the right thing. She couldn't let her guard down again. There would be no coming back from it, and she'd lose him for good. 

With that, she sits back up. 

_Back to normal. To the status quo._

She grabs her crutches and hobbles out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this first chapter, the next and final chapter is already in the works. I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Donna deal with the aftermath of the almost-kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is: the second and final chapter of this story, which was meant to be a one-shot but grew into this.
> 
> Nathalie, I hope you like it, dear friend. I know you've had a rough few days, and I hope this brings you some measure of comfort.
> 
> Thanks again to Nannalyn for looking over this and for just being the best friend a girl could ask for.

As he slips out of the room, Harvey leans against the wall next to the door. He tries to understand what had just transpired between them. 

Granted, this isn't the first time he's teetered close to the edge of his feelings for Donna. There have been late nights, some of which he's rationalized away with lowered inhibitions brought about by scotch and exhaustion. 

But, it's those times where neither of those options applied that he finds it hard to explain away. Or at least explain them in a way that leaves him satisfied and not… stuck like he feels now. 

He knows that come morning, tonight will be tucked away as yet another one of those nights that they both will rationalize away. He will blame his long night and breakup and she will blame her painkillers. 

Except, he hasn't even thought of Scottie once since all this happened and he knows that Donna's painkillers had worn off over the course of the two hours since she'd had them. 

The sound of Donna's crutches on the floor reaches his ears then, and Harvey moves quickly away from the door towards the living room. 

When Donna rounds her doorway into the living room, she finds Harvey waiting near the couch. He holds one hand out for the crutches and slips the other hand around her shoulder to keep her steady. 

He settles her on the couch then, setting her foot on the ottoman that he’d already pulled towards the couch. 

“You’re all set,” he murmurs, as he stands up.

“Yeah,” she says, squirming slightly in her place. 

They look at each other, each daring the other - in a way - to say something to dissipate the tension. 

It's Harvey who breaks the silence. 

“Listen, Donna,” he starts as he moves to sit at the opposite end of her couch. “About before, I just wanted to say...”

“Harvey, I get it,” Donna says, her tone gentle. “You're hurting. I was tired. It was a moment: we've had those before, remember? We don't have to talk about it.” 

_ They never did, anyway. And she doesn't want to hear him say it didn't mean anything.  _

Harvey’s gaze catches hers and something in his expression makes Donna pause, but then he schools his face and drops his shoulders. 

“Right,” Harvey says. “You’re right, of course.”

_ Of course, she was. And he doesn’t want to be reminded of her rule again. A rule that seems to apply only to him. _

Another awkward silence almost threatens the space between them, but is broken by a knock on the door. 

“Dinner’s here,” Harvey says, giving her a small smile. 

Donna watches him quietly, as he stands up quickly and goes to the door. Once he’s out of her sight, she leans her head on the back of her couch. She hates the disappointment that had shot through her when he’d agreed to not talk about it. 

For a moment there, it looked like he was going to contradict her? Tell her that it wasn’t just another moment that didn’t mean?

She shakes her head. 

_ Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  _

Those painkillers clearly have her seeing things that aren’t there. 

She hears him shuffle back in, the delicious aroma of their dinner following him. She turns her head around, watching in silence as he gets the food out and checks their contents. He looks wordlessly at her, and she directs him to her cutlery drawer. 

A few moments later, he’s handing her the shrimp fried rice that he knows is her favorite, before settling down with his beef pad thai. As he does, his gaze falls on the DVD cover that sits on her coffee table. 

_ Castle - The Complete Second Season.  _

He’s heard of the show, but he’s never felt the inclination to watch it since he isn’t that big into crime procedurals. But, the actor on the cover seems familiar to him and he casts his mind around, until it hits him. 

He’s the guy from that Whedon show that Mike had raved about after Harvey had failed to recognize a quote from it. And then, the next morning, Mike had dropped the DVD on his desk, insisting that he watch it. Although he's never admitted it to Mike, he had enjoyed watching it - especially since the captain’s second-in-command had resembled Jessica a lot.

And he hadn’t wasted any time in teasing his managing partner about it, either. Jessica had threatened to throw him out of the window, but not before asking him to lend the DVD to her, her own curiosity piqued. 

“This any good?” he asks, setting his container down and picking the cover up. 

Donna shrugs. “It is. Rachel got me into it. I was skeptical at first, since I’m not really a fan of the genre. But Rachel made the case that it wasn’t really about the cases as much as it was about the central relationship in the show. Although, I gotta admit that the cases are enjoyable too. I’m almost done with the second season now.”

Harvey nods as he peruses the synopsis. “Do you wanna watch it now?” 

Donna lets out a snort. “OK, I _know_ you’re not a fan of the genre.”

He smirks. “No, but you clearly are now. So, I’d like to see what the fuss is about.”

“Why, so you can mock it?” Donna asks, her lips twitching. 

“Donna, you wound me,” Harvey says, placing his hand on his chest.

“Do I have to remind you?”

“No?”

“Legally Blonde. I lent it to you last year, because I thought you’d like it. And the next morning you wouldn’t shut up about how badly they misrepresented Harvard.” 

“Because they had! No student would have got in with an admissions essay like that.”

She rolls her eyes. “OK. I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you bad-mouth the great Elle Woods.” 

Harvey grins and holds his palm up. “Alright, I’ll shut up.”

“And I don’t wanna hear a peep from you about this show either.” 

He grins. “Now where would be the fun in that? Just put it on, Donna.” 

Despite himself, Harvey finds himself enjoying the episode - the final episode of the season, Donna informs him. He quickly cottons on to the dynamic between the two lead characters, even though the premise seems far-fetched. 

He watches as Castle paints a pretty picture of a weekend at his Hamptons’ home and Beckett demurs. The case itself is fascinating, as well: the idea of a _spy-cation_ is strangely appealing even to his practical sensibilities. 

Mid-episode, Harvey jokingly floats the idea of signing their firm up for one and Donna pauses the episode, looking at him incredulously.

“Uh huh,” she says. “Harvey Specter doesn’t do spy-cations.”

“Yes he can,” he returns, snatching the remote from her. “A whole month filled with intrigue, mystery and cool gadgets? What's not to like?” 

Donna lets out a snort. “I should've known. It’d be about the cool gadgets with you.”

He gives her a look, and says almost petulantly. “And he’d even take you as a partner, if you played nice.”

“I thought you - what was it you said? Work better alone?”

He gazes at her out of the corner of his eyes. “You and I both know that isn’t exactly true.”

Donna smiles. “I know. We’d make a killer team.”

Harvey smiles back. “We always have.”

“Too bad, they aren't real.”

“They aren't? Bummer. I could have used one now.”

“You’re an idiot.” 

And just like that, they feel the residual tension between them melt away. 

Or so they think, until the episode takes an emotional turn, as Beckett’s colleague questions Castle’s true reasons for being around Beckett as long as he has. 

_ “Why do you think he’s been following you around for so long? What, research? The guy’s done enough research to write 50 books. Whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't include watching you be with another guy.”  _

Harvey turns to look at Donna at that, his own head whirling with a similar question. 

_ Why had Donna hung around this long?  _

Harvey knows that Donna could work anywhere she wanted to. He’s no stranger to people - both colleagues and clients _-_ trying to poach her from him. CEOs and high-ranking executives who could literally give her the world, if she asked for it. 

But, Harvey has never had to worry about losing Donna to them, because she always sent them packing, with their tails between their legs. 

But now, like Beckett, he realizes that he's been taking that for granted, despite the fact that he'd nearly lost her last year. And he remembers how hollow he'd felt every time, he'd seen her empty chair. 

"Harvey?” 

He startles and notices that Donna has paused the show and is watching him warily. 

“Are you alright?” 

“I am,” he says. “Why?” 

“Well,” Donna picks up the remote and goes back to the previous scene and plays it. “That's why.”

He turns back to the screen and sees Castle playing poker with a bunch of his writer buddies as they discuss the case.

He looks round at Donna who's smirking. 

“There's no way that Harvey 'I make my own luck' Specter, has nothing to say about that.”

“I'm sorry,” he says, smiling sheepishly. “You were right. Just a lot on my mind.”

Donna wants very badly to ask what, but with them just having returned to normal, she feels reluctant to push him for answers. But it's clear that something in the episode had affected him. 

“We don't have to keep watching.” she starts. 

“No, it's fine. I want to. But first… ” he stands up to clear the empty containers and then disappears into her kitchen. 

He returns moments later with her medicine. Donna groans at that and he reminds her that she needed to have them with a full stomach. 

“Harvey, come on,” she pleads. “There's only 10 or so minutes left. I don't want to conk out before then.”

“Donna…”

“Please?” 

He sighs and complies. “10 minutes. Not one second more.”

Two minutes in, however, Harvey regrets giving in to Donna’s insistence when Beckett's captain says something that hits a little too close to home. 

_ It's sad a man had to die because all the people involved were too scared to say what they really felt _ . 

Though, it isn't meant as an accusation by the character and no one had died, Harvey feels the truth of those words slice into him. 

The universe must have a wicked sense of humor, because it gets worse from there as the episode ends with Beckett's regret becoming all too real, as she misses her opportunity to be with the man she wanted to be with. All because her fear had held her back. 

Harvey thinks back to the moment just before they'd fallen asleep after the other time. 

~~~~~Flashback ~~~~~

_ Donna presses a kiss to his damp chest, letting out a contented hum that reverberates through him. “That was… amazing.”  _

_ Harvey shifts under her head and lets out a sound that she thinks might have been a laugh. She smirks to herself.  _

_ “Don't gloat.” _

_ She's about to slip off his chest, when his arm tightens around her and a gentle palm lands on her cheek.  _

_ “Donna,” he says. “Look at me.”  _

_ She does so and he presses a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I'm not gloating. You know how long I've wanted this. Wanted you.”  _

_ “I do,” she rests her chin on his chest. “I'm sorry. And to tell you the truth, so did I. But…” _

_ “Your rule,” he says, swallowing hard. “I know.” _

_ “Yeah,” she says, before her face breaks to a grin, as she brings her face close to his. “Well, I'm glad I quit the DA's office, because I wanna do what we just did again.” She kisses him. “And again.” _

_ At that, he rolls them over. “I thought you'd never ask.” _

_ He swallows her laughter, by slipping his tongue into her mouth.  _

_ It's then, after they've made each other see stars for the third time, as sleep finally starts claiming her that Donna says. “You could make me fall in love with you if you keep this up, you know.” _

_ A light snuffle tells him that sleep has finally claimed her, but Harvey lies awake for a good hour after that.  _

_ An hour during which his heart goes to war with his mind, doing its very best to fight a losing battle against his insecurities and fears.  _

_ An hour in which he lets himself think about what he wants to do next with his life.  _

_ An hour in which his defeated heart decides that losing Donna is not an option, while his mind comes up with the best compromise to do just that.  _

_ An hour he comes to mull over and over, though he never does anything about it.  _

~~~~~End Flashback ~~~~~ 

Not for the first time, Harvey tries to imagine what his life would have been like if he’d chosen to go with his heart.

_ Would he still have Donna in his life?  _

With his track record? He still doesn’t think so. He doesn’t trust that he’s built for a long-lasting relationship.

But, for the first time, his heart throws up a counter-argument. 

_ A lot of people have left him, but Donna stayed. She has, for 10 years now. Why? _

He’s never thought to ask her that, he realizes shamefully. And unbidden, his mind takes him back to the Coastal Motors mock-trial, and a detail that he hadn't given much thought to comes back to him. 

Her boyfriend had asked Donna to choose between them. Why hadn’t she ever told him that? He hadn’t even known she’d been seeing someone, much less that she’d ended it over… 

_ … the nothing he had offered her? Why? _

There are so many questions suddenly bursting in his head, and suddenly he doesn't want to leave them unanswered. 

~~~~~ooo~~~~~ 

Donna, on the other hand, finds herself just as affected by the episode. She finds herself thinking of all the times Harvey’s come close to giving her an opening to tell him what she really felt. Or at least, she thinks they were openings. But she hadn’t taken them. 

_ Why?  _

_ “Donna, about the other time, you once told me…” _

_ “I don’t care what I once told you.” _

Except, that hadn’t been the truth. She _did_ care. She remembers what she had told him that night. And when he’d called her for breakfast the next morning, her heart had soared - hope bursting in her chest.

Only to have it dashed when he’d asked her to come work for him instead. 

_ I don’t want to lose you. Come work for me.  _

She’d agonized long and hard over it, even though she had accepted Harvey’s offer to work for him at Pearson Hardman. All she could conclude was that he wasn’t ready to have a relationship with her. And as time went by, it became more and more clear to her that he didn’t want a relationship with her. Because, she’d seen him try to start something with Zoe and with Scottie, _but never her._

And then, there had been Stephen. Yes, it had _bothered_ him, but he’d never told her _why_. 

She knows she’d broken her own rule, but why had it bothered him if _it didn’t mean anything?_

But, she knows that these are questions she may never get the answers to. 

Donna is brought out of her reverie when she senses Harvey looking at her. She swallows when she sees the intensity on his face. 

She clears her throat. “Did you like the show?” 

Harvey startles slightly, his head turning briefly to the TV - almost as if he's already forgotten what they were doing. 

He shrugs. “I did.”

She gives him a small smile, and then eyes the medicine still sitting on her table. 

Harvey follows her gaze and a low sigh escapes him, which causes Donna to turn towards him. 

“What?” she asks, gently. 

He shakes his head, even as he realizes that no questions would be getting answered tonight. 

“Nothing,” he says, reaching for the pill bottle. 

Donna gazes steadily at him, her eyes scanning his features more closely. He looks inexplicably disappointed. 

So, she ignores the pill and water he's holding out. 

“Harvey,” she starts. “This can wait. Talk.”

His eyes widen at that. “What? No, I'm fine. You need to take this before…”

“You're _not_ fine. Harvey, you've had a bad day. And I know you're generally allergic to talking,” she smirks. “But trust me, it helps.”

“Donna, you need to rest. You're hurt.”

“Well, so are you.” 

“I'm _not_ the one with a bump on the head and a swollen ankle.”

“And I'm not the one with an unhealthy coping mechanism.”

“Excuse me?” 

“You heard me. You'll bottle this up. And then sometime next week, you'll ask me to block out a few 'morning meetings'. And then you'll go back to your normal self, until the next time Scottie comes back to screw with your life… ”

She stops and shakes her head. 

Harvey stares, feeling a sense of déjà vu. This is the third time, by his count, that Donna has come close to voicing her distrust of Scottie. He's long suspected that Donna had reservations about Scottie. But, she'd still been supportive of it - even pushing him to work it out with Scottie after their fight over Louis' client. 

_ So what had changed between that time and now? _

“Spit it out,” he says, exhaling tiredly. 

“Nothing. Just ignore me.”

“No, I’m not going to. What is the deal with you and Scottie?”

“There’s no _deal,_ Harvey. Just drop it.”

“No, not this time. I want to know. Did something happen between you two?” 

She stares uncomfortably at him. 

“Donna…”

“Nothing happened between us, Harvey. It’s just…”

“Yes?”

“I saw how hard you were trying with her. And I was happy to see you do that,” she bows her head. “But, somehow she never got that. She didn't _see_ that. And I dunno, I guess, it… ”

“Bothered you?” 

She sighs. “It did. Because, you deserve better than that.”

“Or maybe she deserves better,” Harvey shrugs. 

“And _that_ , right there is what I meant about her screwing with your life,” Donna says, a sharp note cracking in her voice. “She has always made you feel like she's better than you.” 

“Because…”

“If you say she is, I swear to God, I will thwack you with my crutches,” Donna says, pointing at them. 

“Donna…” 

“Don't 'Donna' me!” she interrupts. “You are a good man. The best man I've ever known. And anyone who makes you feel less than that isn't someone who deserves you. Yes, hiring Mike might have been unethical in the eyes of the law, but I will _not_ have you thinking that it makes you a bad person.”

“But, it also does not change the fact that it still kept me from being honest with her.” 

“This time? Maybe. But, it's always been this way with Scottie. Even before Mike came into the picture. You always think she's better than you, even when she's pulling shady shit of her own. And she lets you think that.”

Harvey stays quiet for a while before saying. “I wasn't aware I was doing that.”

“I know. And given what we do, there always will be something that you can't share with her and she will always hold it against you.”

_ It's not the third time or the fifth time or the last time.  _

Harvey finally gets what Donna is getting at and he smiles gratefully. “Thank you, Donna.” 

“And as far as Mike is concerned, mark my words. That kid is going to be back at your side before you know it.”

“I doubt that,” Harvey shrugs. “He was right. There's far too much that we've done since I hired him. And we were turning into the very kind of people that Edward Darby was. And, he didn’t want to continue putting us in that position.”

Donna stares incredulously. “Darby was covering up a murder. You were… ”

“Also covering up a crime,” Harvey interjects. 

Donna makes an irritated noise and shakes her head, but stays quiet. 

“Hey,” Harvey says, reaching over to squeeze her arm. “It's OK. I know I don’t say this as often as I should, but I’m glad you’re still here.” He pauses, and then adds. “Even if I haven’t always given you a good enough reason to want to stay.”

“What?” she asks, shock coloring her voice.

“You heard me,” he says, squeezing her arm again. “You’ve stayed with me for twelve years, and I’ve been taking it for granted.”

“Harvey…”

“And I’m so sorry,” he says. “I let myself forget that this is not what you set out to do. You wanted something different.”

“I did,” she says, still looking bewildered at the turn in the conversation. “But not anymore.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a tough world for a woman in the world of acting,” she explains. “It’s not like I didn’t try. But gigs were few and far between. And, the truth is, I found that I was much better at what I do than I imagined I would be and I love what I do, Harvey.”

“You sure?”

“I am,” she says, her expression turning curious. “Seriously, what brought all this on?”

He doesn’t reply immediately, but traces their intertwined fingers with his free hand.

“Harvey,” she tugs at their hands to get his attention.

Harvey looks back up. “Can I ask you something first?” 

Donna nods, even as apprehension bubbles inside her. 

“Why?” Harvey asks, his gaze catching hers. 

“Why?” she parrots, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Why have you stayed? All this time, why did you stay?” 

His voice is gentle, but there’s a desperation to it that Donna doesn’t quite understand.

“I… I don’t know how to answer that,” she says, feeling her lip begin to quiver. 

He stands up, his hand slipping out of hers and Donna watches him as he begins to pace the space in front of her.

“I’ve been racking my brain,” he says, stopping and looking at her. “And it kills me that I’ve never thought to ask you this, ever. You’ve chosen me over your relationship. You chose to come back even though I failed to fight for you. And I know that there are clients who would kill to have you work for them, and you’ve turned them all down.”

“Harvey…”

“And I took it all for granted,” he exhales tiredly. “So, why have you stayed?”

Tears well up in Donna’s eyes. “Harvey, I c...can’t answer that.”

“Why not?”

“Because, like I told you, it’s a complicated answer to a complicated question.”

“Then uncomplicate it,” he says, frustration building up inside him. 

The tone in his voice sends a frisson of anger and fear down her spine. “I don’t know how, Harvey! Because, the only one who can is you!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, I cannot answer… I _will_ not answer that until I have some answers of my own!”

Donna waits. This is usually where he backs down, she thinks. But, to her surprise, he steps back towards the couch. 

“Fine,” he says, sitting down next to her again. “What answers?”

“Harvey…”

“No, what answers, Donna?”

“Answers that I’m not sure you’re ready to give,” she says, deflating against the couch.

“Donna,” he says gently. “Why don't you let me decide that?”

“Because, I know you, Harvey!” she sits up again, her eyes turning watery. “Because for you, at the end of the day, it doesn’t mean anything. Right?”

He closes his eyes, the truth of her accusation hitting her hard. 

Donna sighs. “That’s what I thought.”

The defeat in her voice cuts deep into him, and Harvey opens his eyes. His heart lurches at the sight of a lone tear that’s tracking down her cheek. And it’s the sight of that little droplet that - inexplicably - causes a burst of hope to sprout in his heart. 

So, he dives.

“What if I told you it did mean something?”

“Harvey, wh…”

“What if I told you it meant everything? That the reason it bothered me so much was that you were willing to break your rule for Stephen Huntley, was that I’d hoped that _I_ would be your exception. Not him.”

Donna tilts her head, her brow furrowing. 

“I told you, I…”

“Had to live your life? I just… I just wasn’t aware that there was an option to break it.”

“Harvey,” Donna says, shaking her head. “You told me that if it wasn’t for my rule, you wouldn’t have come over that night. You can’t have it both ways.”

“Because, I thought it was a hard and fast rule. After our time together that night, I also started thinking about what I wanted to do next. I knew that I needed you in my life - you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, Donna. I didn’t want to lose you. And asking you to work for me was the only way I knew I could do that, without driving you away for good.”

She stares. This hadn’t been what she was expecting. 

“Why would you think that?” she asks, slowly. “Why would you drive me away?”

“Look at me, Donna,” he said, chuckling wryly. “Fresh out of yet another failed relationship. There have been so many before. I eventually drove them away, because I… that’s what I always do. You know my history with women. And I couldn’t afford to do that to you.”

“Harvey…”

“Sooner or later, you’d have seen that I wasn't good enough, and I’d have lost you. For good. And that would have killed me.”

Donna feels her jaw drop in shock. 

_ Not good enough?  _

“Why do you think you aren't good enough?” her voice comes out in a cracked whisper. 

“Because, it's true. I come from a messed up family. Look at my mother. I've hurt so many people to get to where I am. I've had to cross line after line in this job. I'm complicated. I'll eventually tire you out, just like I did to Scottie.” 

Donna finds herself listening in pure astonishment as he talks. She's told herself a million different reasons for why Harvey didn't want her that way. But never once has she ever landed on it being _this._

On Harvey thinking so little of himself. This confident, handsome, brilliant lawyer. It baffles her. Sure, she'd seen a glimpse of his insecurity today, but she wasn't aware how deep it ran. 

But the bottom-line was this: her feelings weren't one-sided. So, she decides to cut to the chase. 

“Harvey, I want you to be direct with me, for once. Do you... do you l… see me that way?”

At that, something shifts inside Harvey, and he exhales the truth out.

“I always have.”

The words are barely out of his mouth, when he finds himself being pulled forwards by his shirt and Donna’s lips are crashing into his. A short yelp escapes him, but the momentary pain is lost when he begins to kiss her back. 

Donna lets out a deep breath when she feels Harvey respond easily to her kiss. In spite of her urgency, he eases them both into a kiss that is tender and deep. She feels his tongue slip against her lips, and she opens her mouth to let him in. 

And then, they’re both lost, as tongue meets tongue and they begin a dance that is as familiar as it’s new. Donna’s hands move from the front of his shirt, to encircle his neck, one palm coming to cup the back of his head, while Harvey’s hand slips against the silk of her pajama top to circle her waist.

Donna breaks the kiss for one moment to ask again. “Always?”

“Always. I just didn’t think you saw me that way.”

“Well, I did.” 

She pulls him back to her. But, the movement makes him accidentally jerk her ankle, and she lets out a wince. 

“Oh shit,” he gasps, his hand slipping down to her right thigh. “I’m so sorry!”

She giggles. “I’d completely forgotten about…”

He grins. “Yeah? I guess the painkillers from the hospital have finally worn out.”

She groans as she feels the throbbing start up again. “Clearly.”

Harvey sits up, and reaches for the pill bottle again. “No getting out of it now.”

Donna rolls her eyes, and takes it from him.

Once she’s done, Harvey moves into the corner of the couch, and then gently pulls her back into his chest. He presses a soft kiss to the side of her cheek, and then entwines his left hand into hers, while his right hand rests on the couch behind her. 

They sit quietly for a while, each of them contemplating this shift in their relationship, before Donna decides to let him in on her own secret. 

“I wanted to try, you know. Back then? But then, you asked me to come work for you, and then, I didn’t know what to make of that. It was just easier to believe that you didn’t want me like that.”

“Wait, you thought I didn’t want you like that?”

“Can you blame me? Harvey, I’ve been at your side for ten years. And in that time, I’ve seen you try to start relationships with Zoe and Scottie. But not me.”

“Like I told you, I didn’t know it was an option,” he says, gently. “And, even if it was, I...”

“You were scared it wouldn’t work. But, Harvey, you remember what I told you?”

_ You could make me fall in love with you. _

“I do, and I know it sounds horrible now, but that’s when I wondered if I could ever be what you needed me to be. And I didn’t think I could be. You deserved better.”

And suddenly, she can’t help it. She slaps his chest.

“Ow!”

“You’re an idiot,” she says. “You know that?”

“I suppose you’re going to tell me why,” he says, rubbing the spot.

“Oh, I am! I _deserved_ better?” she asks. 

“Well…”

“You know who gets to decide what I deserve? I do! I told you I could fall in love with you! Do you think I’d just throw those words out there without reason?”

“Donna…”

“You need to have faith in yourself, Harvey. And in me. I wouldn’t have left you.” 

“You don’t know that,” Harvey says, shaking his head. “I told you…” 

“Actually, I _do_ know that,” Donna says, firmly. “Because, it’s why I stayed. All this time. And it’s why I came back.”

“Donna…”

“You wanted an answer, Harvey,” she says. “And there it is. Because, I need you in my life, just as much as you say you need me. I told you earlier, you’re the best man I’ve ever known.” 

And now, it’s Harvey’s turn to look gobsmacked.

“Don’t look so surprised,” she says, squeezing his hand. “All that crap you said about yourself before about your parents and your job? They don't define you, Harvey. And they certainly don't matter to me. I know who you are and I wouldn't want you to change a thing. I honestly thought you knew that.”

“I.. I actually didn't know that. Besides, you also looked surprised when I told you I'd always wanted you that way. Do you realize how crazy that is?”

“Why is it crazy?”

“Because, yYou’re Donna! You’re beautiful, you’re brilliant, you’re all kinds of amazing. You're so selfless and caring. I fell for you from the second you came up to me in the bar and told me it was my lucky day. And, I didn't exactly make a secret of it.”

“I knew you wanted me, Harvey,” she says, smirking.

“I wasn't talking about sex, Donna. OK, maybe at first it was. But you know, if that was all there was to it, I would have stopped trying so hard. And as soon as it hit me that we weren't working together anymore, I was at your doorstep, fully intent on starting something with you.”

He pauses, shifting slightly as his hand comes to stroke her cheek before he continues. “But that night, I realized how deeply I had fallen for you. And then you said that you could fall for me and… for a moment there, I was happy. I was so happy.”

“Until thoughts of what you wanted to do next intruded.” Donna finishes, her voice full of understanding. “Your fears. My rule. I get it now, Harvey. ”

It's a relief, she thinks, having this kind of clarity. 

“I'm sorry, I made you think it was because I didn't want you,” he sighs. “But you know, I did, sort of try to gauge how you felt about me, one or two times.”

“When?”

“When I came to get you back, after the Coastal Motors fiasco.” 

Donna closes her eyes. So he _had_ been asking then. She winces at the reply she gave him.

_ I am not in love with you, Harvey. I love you like a brother, or a cousin. _

He runs his thumb across her skin. “It seemed rather final, then. But, then I tried one more time.”

Donna groans inwardly again. “When?”

She knows what’s coming.

“When I asked you if it was about you and me, when you accused me of not fighting for anything that happened in my heart.”

She turns to gaze at him. “When you sent Scottie to London?”

He nods. 

“I’m sorry, Harvey. The truth is, I did wonder if that's what you were asking. But, like I always did, I talked myself out of it because I didn't think you meant it the way I hoped.” 

Harvey shakes his head. “We've really been looking at all this ass backwards. Or at least have.”

Donna lets out a breathy snort. “Well, to be fair, my rule was a hard and fast one, Harvey. But when Stephen came along, I dunno. I guess, I just wanted to push against it for once. He made me feel wanted and I hadn't felt that way in a while. ”

“I know,” Harvey squeezes her shoulder. “I'm sorry he turned out to be so terrible. You didn't deserve that.”

“Thank you. It'll always bother me that I broke my cardinal rule for him. But, Harvey, if I'd known what I know now, I would have made you my exception a long time ago.”

“So, what about now? Am I your exception?” 

“You are.”

“I’ll take that,” he says, burying his face in the crook of her neck and pressing a kiss there. “I can't promise that it'll be smooth sailing, Donna. But, I want this.”

“Good,” Donna raises herself slightly to press one of her own on to his cheek, but Harvey turns his head and meets her lips instead. 

As he breaks the kiss, he leans back slightly to look at her eyes. He sees the exhaustion in them, but there's also relief and, no doubt about it, a sheen of happiness that he knows he's responsible for. 

“I love you,” he says, unable to keep it in any longer. 

And there's no mistaking it this time, as Donna's eyes widen and two tears slip out as her cheek expands into a smile that belies everything she's been through on this day. 

“I love you, too.” 

~~~~~ooo~~~~~

Silence descends on them after that, and Donna feels the painkillers finally starting to take their effect. She knows that there’s still much to be said between them, but for now she settles against him and closes her eyes.

“We should get you into bed,” Harvey says, gently when he sees Donna starting to nod off.

She smiles drowsily. “I’m comfortable right here.”

“You are now,” he says, chuffing out a laugh. “But, trust me, your neck won’t thank you in a few hours from now. And neither will mine. Plus, I need to remove your bandage and ice your ankle.” 

Donna lets out a mild noise of protest when Harvey slips out from behind her. It turns into a squeal when he leans down to scoop her - bridal style - into his arms. 

“Bed.” he says, as her arms slip around his neck. “Let's go.”

“You gonna rock my world tonight, mister?” she asks, allowing her head to roll forwards into the crook of his neck. 

He holds back a grin and starts walking towards her bedroom. “Doubtful. Since you'll likely fall asleep in the middle of everything.”

“Wouldn't be the first time I have.” she says slowly and he stops in the middle of her bedroom to look down at her. 

“You fell asleep in the middle of sex?” he asks, nudging herhis shoulder to get her to look at him. 

“Wh...I… Yeah,” she mumbles, before setting her head back on his shoulder. “I was just really tired.”

He sets her gently down on the bed. “Who was the guy?” 

She sends him a sleepy glare. “I may be loopy, but I'm not giving you any more ammunition.” 

Harvey doesn't tell her that he already has enough, but merely reaches down to remove the bandage. He winces at the sight of her swollen and slightly purple skin. He knows from experience that this was going to take a while to heal. He then slips a pillow under her leg, warning her to keep her ankle still. 

Donna watches him blearily, as he leaves the room and returns with a cold compress. Even with her sleep-addled senses, she can already feel the difference in the energy between them from a few hours back, when the very idea of seeing Harvey back in her bedroom had given her anxious palpitations. 

But now, as Harvey settles on the side of her bed and rolls his sleeves up, it feels like he’s right where he should be. And when his fingertips brush against her skin as he presses the compress against her ankle, she welcomes the frisson of pleasure that shoots up her spine, causing her to shiver.

“Sorry,” he says, indicating the compress. “I know it’s uncomfortable.”

She lets out a sleepy laugh. “That’s not… it had nothing to do with the cold.”

His gaze catches hers and realization dawns on his face. “Oh.”

She reaches for his hand then and tugs him forward so he’s leaning over her, before slipping her hand to the back of his head to bring him closer to her lips. He comes easily, his lips fitting over hers in a kiss that’s lazy and languid. Donna finds herself sinking deeper into her pillow, his weight over her feeling a lot like a comfort blanket. 

“Donna,” he squeezes her knee, when they break off for air. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

“Nope.” 

“You need to sleep,” he strokes a single finger down the side of her face. “And maybe for my own sanity, I should take the couch.”

“Not on your life,” she shakes her head and pats the other side of the bed. “Join me.” 

He smirks. “In a moment. This compress needs to be on for at least 15 minutes.” 

“Ugh.”

Harvey raises an eyebrow and grins. “Are you always this grumpy when you're sick?” 

“Only when it stops me from having a good time,” she snarks back. “Think you can handle that?” 

“I survived thus far, didn't I?” 

“I also get cranky when I'm hungry,” Donna says. “What about then?” 

“Easy. Considering the fact that you can't cook, I think I'll do just fine.”

“So close,” she shakes her finger at him. “And I can cook.”

“Reheating takeout and making toast don't count.”

“And you're what? A gourmet chef?” 

“Oh, you have no idea,” he says, leaning down to peck her lips, before removing the cold press. “Be right back.”

When Harvey returns a few moments later, he sees that Donna's eyes are closed, while her left hand is stretched towards his side of the bed. 

The sight makes his heart leap in his chest. He quickly strips down to his boxers and undershirt, before rounding the bed to climb in. 

He picks her left hand up with his own as he does and Donna stirs slightly, tugging on his hand until he's lying on his side. She brings their joined hands to rest on her stomach. 

He props himself on his right arm, and looks down at her, smiling softly. 

“I'm glad you stayed, Harvey,” she says. “Even though I tried to make you leave.”

“You're the most important person in my life, Donna,” he says, quietly. “Leaving you was never an option. I'm glad you let me stay. Now, get some sleep.”

“You should, too. You have work.”

“Actually, I don't. My girlfriend needs me. And I won't be able to concentrate when she's not there, anyway.”

“Girlfriend?” 

“Girlfriend.”

“I like the sound of that, boyfriend, ” she says, as a yawn overtakes her. “I love you.”

“I love you, Donna.”

Harvey watches as sleep finally claims her. He knows he should follow suit, but he finds himself thinking about the day as a whole. 

Just a few hours before, he'd been ready to tuck this whole day away as one of the worst days in his life. 

He's lost a girlfriend and a colleague tonight. He had found himself questioning his own ethics as a lawyer. And to cap it all, he'd got a phone call that had made his world stop for a moment. 

But now as he takes in the beautiful woman next to him, her fingers wrapped tightly around his, he thinks he's had the best night of his life: the first night of the rest of his life. 

~~~~~End~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. As always, I can't wait to hear what you thought of this story.
> 
> Cheers,
> 
> Caroline


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